The Sexuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urbane locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or this not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!