The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. next "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay males desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!