The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .
However when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Many gay men desire to learn from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather navigate to these guys than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!