The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and wellness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention site web that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and see this truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!