The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay guys desire Going Here to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!