The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and closeness .
However when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools go now are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal Visit Your URL agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying their website full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!