The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and closeness .
When issues emerge, those who here fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it click for info is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!