The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
But when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced Source intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!