The Sexuality Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard i loved this the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males find this want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it look at this site can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!