The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, important source lots of gay males want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To official site avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!