The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urban areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay guys desire to learn from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship important site failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!