The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and have a peek at these guys it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!