The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and closeness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as Full Article optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that many of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!