The Sexuality Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a click site relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!