The Sexuality Catch, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his pop over to these guys customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If Going Here a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that official statement chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!