The Sexuality Catch, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual important site desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If wikipedia reference a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!