The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are these details drawn in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and wellness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that Get More Information we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!