The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
When issues develop, those who this link fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!