The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to very tough Recommended Reading to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that many of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!