The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning. click to find out more Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!