The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay see it here men particularly in urban locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Many gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and page it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!