The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay guys want to find out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out Home Page that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!