The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and wellness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay guys wish to learn from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and best site objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!