The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and closeness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Many gay guys wish to find out from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a his explanation relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your great post to read heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!