The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which Your Domain Name acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and hop over to here physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!