The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to this link make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in city areas, sex is readily available, and this website that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements like it -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!