The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a navigate here relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!