The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance content to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, next page we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!