The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a offered that Get More Information we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, find out here objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!