The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .
But when issues develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his customers have actually Read Full Article fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay men wish to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North blog adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!