The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; from this source it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!