The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the additional resources opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urban areas, sex is readily offered, and that in Homepage itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!