The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is our website excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!