The Sex Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either click here for info there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!