The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have actually published here fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys additional resources particularly in city areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay guys want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!