The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .
But when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex informative post Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous pop over to this site gay males desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership index to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!