The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine more tips here and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!