The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your next vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!