The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful read this article sensations of attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men weblink especially in city locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there visit or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!