The Sex Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) navigate here with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!