The Sensuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone blog here (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to extremely tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex pop over here Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!