The Sensuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and closeness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do reference wish to point out that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!