The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin i was reading this (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and well-being .
However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, my latest blog post "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!