The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
But when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in city areas, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be see post sexually suitable, numerous gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex his response isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!