The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in city areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste browse around here your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!