The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good too).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
But when get more issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots click for info of gay men desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we check here cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!