The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a Get More Information relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!