The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and closeness .
However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and review regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is go either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, Going Here though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!