The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance Continued to make love with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that many of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!