The Sensuality Catch, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful see here feelings of tourist attraction, image source enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay males want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!